Showing posts with label courage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label courage. Show all posts

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Thoughts on Courage

I've been on a, thus far unfruitful, search for a devotional I wrote a few years ago.  While on that search I came across this piece.  


It's interesting to me to see where I was in 2006, when this was originally written.


Courage.  Generosity.  Loyalty.  These are virtues that ancient peoples held in high esteem.  In his book How The Irish Saved Civilization Thomas Cahill details the great impact that one man, Saint Patrick, had on an entire people.  According to Cahill, “…the Irish found Patrick admirable according to their own highest standards: his courage – his refusal to be afraid of them – would have impressed them immediately; and, as his mission lengthened into years and came to be seen clearly as a lifetime commitment, his steadfast loyalty and supernatural generosity must have moved them deeply.  For he had transmuted their pagan virtues of loyalty, courage and generosity into the Christian equivalents of faith, hope and charity.” 

In his first letter to the Corinthian church, the Apostle Paul describes the virtue of charity, also translated as love, and states that the greatest virtue is love.

It takes real courage to love someone, and it takes great loyalty to be faithful in any relationship.  In these modern times people are often selfish in their relationships.  Take, for instance, “the dating game”.  In their quest for romance, people go to great lengths to find that special someone who will make them feel loved and who they might possibly love in return.  But the foundation of those relationships is often very selfish. 

A person who goes into any sort of relationship with the goal of finding someone to make him or her feel good, or to fill some internal void, is using the other person to meet his or her own emotional and ego gratification needs.  In those situations it is more often about what a person can get out of a relationship than what a person is willing to put into a relationship.  Sometimes it’s mutual, nonetheless the underlying motive is selfish and the lie upon which those motives are built says “it’s all about me.”  The first sentence, in the first chapter, of Rick Warren’s The Purpose Driven Life categorically disagrees with this.  He states “It’s not about you.”

When motives are selfish, and people use each other, then people become toys to one another.  Toys, when they have been outgrown and become boring, are thrown away.  How many relationships have ended because people got tired and bored with each other?  How many have died because one or both of those involved were more focused on what they think the other person should be giving instead of on what they, themselves, were giving?  Whether due to malicious intent or simple insensitivity, people become disposable.  The inherent value of a person is demeaned until they are thrown into the recycle bin where perhaps someday somebody will hopefully come along and choose the disposable, dispossessed, rejected and unwanted.  And, thanks be to God, Somebody has.

The Bible says that while we were in our sin God loved us and sent His only begotten Son into the world to redeem us.  Scriptures, and the current blockbuster movie “The Passion of the Christ,” show us in agonizingly bloody detail, the incredibly high price that God paid for humankind.  Jesus sought out the lowly, the dispossessed, the rejected and the disposable.  By the life and sacrifice of Christ, God said not “it’s all about Me” but rather “it’s all about you.” 

Jesus was, and always is, other-focused.  His prayer in the Gospel of John, Chapter 17 verses 20-26, declares His desire for us experience the kind of oneness and love that He experienced.  We are told to love each other as He has loved us.  Throughout the Epistles we are given instruction on how to do this.  The Apostle Paul says “Be kindly affectionate to one another in brotherly love, giving preference to one another…” (Romans 12:10).  The Apostle Peter writes “…be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous…” and “…above all things have fervent love for one another, for love will cover a multitude of sins.” (1 Peter 3:8; 4:8).

By being commanded to consider the other person first, we are instructed to take the attitude that “it’s not all about me”. 

We are to love as Christ loves, and He gave up His life for us.  To live, and love, in the same manner as Christ takes incredible courage.  Loving selflessly means that we risk being thrown into the recycle bin by those with hardened hearts.  It requires great generosity.  If we are genuinely going to help someone else we have to be willing to step outside of our own small worlds to enter someone else’s world, where he or she is hurting and in need.   And finally, it requires enduring loyalty, first to Christ, and then to each other.  There is only One Person who ever loved perfectly and He was dreadfully mistreated.  If He was so mistreated then we can expect the same.  Without having made the decision to be loyal we won’t have what it takes to follow-through in being there for someone else.

We will never know the blessing of experiencing the answer to Christ’s prayer unless we make a committed decision to be loyal, live generously and courageously, and take the attitude “it’s NOT all about me.”   But, if we will choose to turn our backs on cowardice and selfishness then we will experience what Christ prayed we’d experience…the only kind of love that can ever fill the void within our souls.  Only through experientially knowing the kind of love that Christ has, and sharing that love with those around us, can the face of the world be changed…one person at a time.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Courage and Cowardice

Over the past couple of days I've been seeing a theme emerge in the Facebook and Twitter posts of people I follow online. The theme is courage.

We need courage to live. There are so many things in this life that can make us fearful. Just a cursory look at the evening news can be disheartening because there are so many negative things happening around our cities, states and nation. The economy, unemployment, the crime rate... I just saw a quick blurb about a 12-year old who had been robbed. That's right, a 12-year old. A child. Robbed. Who would rob a child? It's crazy and scary.

Seemingly easy things, too, like beginning a new friendship, can cause the heart to shrink in fear. All sorts of thoughts race through the mind. What if this person rejects me? What if this person isn't who he/she seems to be? What if this person ends up stabbing me in the back? What if I fail him or her?

If we let it, fear can relentlessly dog every step we take as we go about our lives. It can be like an emotional or psychological vampire that leaves us merely existing, like we become undead ourselves.

I know a bit about this from personal experience. While I haven't been robbed recently, I have had enough experience with being rejected, betrayed and deceived to make me afraid of people and relationships.

I've been teased by work associates for being antisocial. I prefer to call myself selectively social. The reality is that people scare me. I tend to see the potential for harm as much greater than the potential for good.

Sad, isn't it?

I can do the buddy thing, to a point. In theory, that's fairly easy because buddies don't really invest a lot in each others' lives. You hang out and shoot the breeze then, when the hanging out and breeze shooting is done, you go home with your inner world safely untouched because you only showed up as a small part of who you really are. It's relating, but it's safe relating because it doesn't go very deep.

I can only do the buddy thing to a point because I get really impatient with how shallow it all feels. I mean, if we're not going to show up as who we really are, in all of who we really are, then why even bother? If it's just about being entertained then I can watch a Jeff Dunham DVD in the solitude of my own home and laugh at Achmed the Dead Terrorist or Peanut and forgo being concerned about whether my sense of humor unnerves someone. That would feel more honest to me.

My dilemma is that I truly, in my heart of hearts, don't believe it's about being entertained. In my heart of hearts, I believe that it's about real connections with authentic people showing up in the totality of who they are.

That scares me. I scare me. I fear that I'll make someone so uncomfortable he or she will close off and their personal walls will come crashing down - SLAM! SLAM! SLAM! Or I'll get that glazed look that comes over a person's face when he or she neither comprehends nor cares to comprehend whatever it is I'm saying. Or I'll show up and simply, profoundly not belong.

Have any of these scenarios actually played out in real life? Oh, yes. Yes. They have. More than once or twice.

So...I'm admittedly scared of people.

I also hate cowardice. I saw plenty of cowardice growing up - the refusal to honestly admit something or deal with difficult, emotionally charged issues with a fully engaged heart. I hated it. I do not want to be the sort of person who just glosses things over or refuses to see what's true just because something is hard.

In addition, I learned to disconnect very early on. I spent more than 30 years disconnected from myself which, unsurprisingly, made it easy to stay fairly disconnected from everyone else. It's hard to deeply connect with someone when you're not really present in your own skin.

Reconnecting to myself was hard and took a lot of work. Connecting to others is harder still because, while I can't leave me, others can leave on a whim. They have and, in all likelihood, will. I hate that, but it's reality. Facing that glaring reality makes me want to hide.

But...

I do not want to be a coward.

However, as I look back over the past few years, years which saw me crater into such a deep depression that I put myself on medication after experiencing multiple betrayals and the sudden death of a loved one, I see that I have become a coward.

So I'm torn. On one side of the coin is my fear of people, of relationships, on the other is my powerful dislike of my own cowardice. And, honestly, I occasionally wonder if I just suck at relationships. Is it that I'm just someone who is so bad at them that the natural result is inevitably going to be rejection or betrayal simply because it's me? I don't think so, but the question still shows up.

In spite of it all, I'm sensing hope grow. Seeing the Facebook and Twitter posts about courage encourages me. Maybe I'm reading more into them than is actually there. At this juncture, I don't care if I am.

I'll take hope, and I'll take courage, where I can find them. I need them.

Don't you need hope and courage, too?